“My lords, my ladies, giants, swordsmen and sorcerers…. I bid thee a hearty welcome! As our bride and groom hope to transport our thoughts to another realm, they ask that those of you with infernal chirping devices, if you will please silence them at this time. And now without further delay we will begin!”
“Hello again everybody… Our Bride and Groom have asked me to start with what the guy in the funny hat says….. You know what the guy in the funny hat always says? If you do, feel free to say it with me… He says…. ‘Mawage. Mawage is wot bwings us together today. Mawage, that blessed awangement, that dweam wifin a dweam. And wuv, tru wuv, will fowow you foweva. So tweasure your wuv’.
Yitza and Anthony, marriage and life are full of twists and turns. Happiness is often less about the events that surround us… but how we choose to look at things. The road to reach this day is not one that anyone would describe as a fairytale… yet still there are similarities. All of the great epic adventures begin with a seemingly insurmountable challenge… that the hero must overcome while remaining true in word, in heart, and indeed. Granted, Buttercup you weren’t kidnapped by kidnapped Prince Humperdinck and in need of rescue…. And there was no Dread Pirating on your end there handsome…. but we were all held hostage by Covid. Just when it looked like your wedding day was dead…
You found that it was only mostly dead… You had your own Vizzini, Fezzik, Inigo Montoya, and a Dazzling Fairy Godmother… who helped you say Castle Schm-astle! We’ll get a tent! And dance the night away… because as Yitza says; “Spanish people gotta dance!” and with just a handful of your closest family, you made your promises to take one another for better or for worse, but never for granted…
What was missing from that day was so many of the people who were also made one family… Their kingdoms had been joined, but many of the people you love most in this world…. Had never met. Today we set this wrong to right, as this glorious event has been resurrected and in-laws and out-laws alike will storm both the dance floor and the buffet tables… and your original castle… well it just happened to be available…
Living by these promises that you make this day, may your lives be blessed with love and laughter, with wisdom and wonder.”
Welcoming of the Guests
“We live in a time where we are keenly aware of how important it is to be with the people we love, especially when celebrating life‘s most important moments. The roads are filled with six fingered men and outlaws… there are factions trying to incite war between Florin and Guilder… Yet it was Inconceivable that anything would stand in your way, when it came to being here for Yitza and Anthony to celebrate their marriage…. and to show them that you believe they will indeed live happily ever after. To finally be able to watch their houses unite as one, with their joy your joy… and your joy their joy… these are the memories that make family a family, friendships worthwhile and form communities out of people who could otherwise in may ways forever remain strangers. You are the beautifully diverse cast of characters, who have been part if their story since it’s first pages were inscribed in the book of life and those without whom this day would be as flat as if Wesley never left the farm and Buttercup never caught the odious Prince‘s eye. For loving them, supporting them, for the yesterdays that have helped to make them who they are… and all the tomorrows yet to come… Yitza and Anthony thank you from the bottom of their hearts… and love you more than words can express.”
“Yitza and Anthony, will you now stand with hands clasped and foreheads touching?
Couple take the position as in the movie posters
“Lord God, Bless this couple as in the fables of old. May they triumph over their struggles and rule over an earthly kingdom that is peaceful and plentiful. May they always have the most fervent of supporters, and be the best of companions. Lead them not into the Pit of Despair, but let them cloak themselves in the mantle that generations before have worn with grace and dignity. We give thanks for your blessings which already grace their union, and look forward to all the rewards yet to come on the adventure ahead. Amen.”
“Before we proceed to the ring exchange Yitza and Anthony have chosen to exchange a bit of dialog at this point.
Groom begins with excerpts from Wesley’s address to Buttercup
“Do I love you? My God, if your love were a grain of sand, mine would be a universe of beaches… I have stayed these years in my hovel because of you. I have taught myself languages because of you. I have made my body strong because I thought you might be pleased by a strong body. I have lived my life with only the prayer that some sudden dawn you might glance in my direction. I have not known a moment in years when the sight of you did not send my heart careening against my rib cage. I have not known a night when your visage did not accompany me to sleep. There has not been a morning when you did not flutter behind my waking eyelids…
I love you. Okay? Want it louder? I love you. Spell it out, should I? I ell-oh-vee-ee why-oh-you.
Want it backward? You love I…”
Bride continues with excerpts from Buttercup’s address to Wesley
“I love you. I thought an hour ago that I loved you more than any woman has ever loved a man, but a half hour after that I knew that what I felt before was nothing compared to what I felt then. But ten minutes after that, I understood that my previous love was a puddle compared to the high seas before a storm. There is no room in my body for anything but you. My arms love you, my ears adore you, my knees shake with blind affection. I will be quiet for you or sing for you, or if you are hungry, let me bring you food, or if you have thirst and nothing will quench but Arabian wine, I will go to Araby, even though it is across the world, and bring a bottle back for your lunch.
Anything there is that I can do for you, I will do for you; anything there is that I cannot do, I will learn to do.”
Presentation of the Rings
“Have you the ‘wing’?
Officiant is given the rings
Yitza and Anthony, you first exchanged your rings a year ago the road you set off on together was officially chosen. Today, all this comes full circle, like the circumference of these beautiful bands, as you joyfully reaffirm your love. Whether this is our first, or second time having witnessed this exchange… that you are surrounded by so much faith and love is a grace upon this earth.”
“Do you Anthony take Yitza, to be your lawfully wedded witch… wife! Will you retrieve the pitcher for her, even though she can reach it herself. Save her from the clutches of those who would do her harm, Never again go to sea for years… and always answer As You wish?”
Anthony: “I do.”
“Will you now place the ring on your beloved’s finger and repeat after me?”
Anthony: “As you wish.”
Anthony places the ring half way on to Yitza’s finger
“Love is many things none of them logical. Therefore I will love you with passion above reason. More than a nice MLT or even a cough drop. I will go to the ends of the earth for you, and spend quiet nights happily by your side.”
Anthony places the ring the rest of the way on to Yitza’s finger
“Do you Yitza take Anthony, to be your lawfully wedded Farm Boy, made Pirate King, and husband? Will you wait patiently, remembering that if you rush a miracle man you get a rotten miracle, and always make sure his mutton is nice and lean, the lettuce crisp and tomato ripe?”
Yitza: “I do.”
“Will you now place the ring on your beloved’s finger and repeat after me?”
Yitza: “As you wish.”
Yitza places the ring half way onto Anthony’s finger
“I will stubbornly keep you and our love first in my thoughts. I will cover life’s bitter pills in chocolate, remind you of who… and how amazing you are should you ever forget and co-author with you, the rest of our own fairytale-adventure.”
Yitza places the ring the rest of the way onto Anthony’s finger
Pronouncement and Presentation
“And now for the Unity Ceremony… today we will do the most ancient and time honored of all celebrations… So… if you don’t like this kind of thing some of you may want to avert you eyes…. because it time for the swapping of the spit!
It is written; ‘Since the invention of the kiss there have been five kisses that were rated the most passionate, the most pure. This one left them all behind.’
Yitza and Anthony, we are expecting to see such a thing today!
You are already husband and wife and you may once again seal your promises with a kiss!
Ladies and Gentlemen, may I present Mr. and Mrs. Anthony and Yitza Candelario! Have fun stormin‘ the castle!”
Couple kiss again and exit to greet their guests!