The Officiants at Church of Ancient Ways

Offbeat and Unique Wedding Readings

  • Ultimate Geek Mashup

    Compiler Unknown

    We are all a little weird and life’s a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love. Love is the moment before you’re frozen in carbonite, when the girl you’ve had your eye on finally admits what you always knew. Love is when you say, “I know”. Love is do, or do not, there is not try. Wuv…twu wuv…goes on forever and ever. And always says “As you wish”. Love is not cupid’s Arrow, it’s a green one. It happens in a Flash, and makes you feel like you can leap tall buildings in a single bound. It’s a shield, a smash, a hammer, and an iron suit. You should always be in love. Unless you can be Batman. Then you should be Batman. Love is the Ron Swanson of emotions. There is nothing stronger, except Ron Swanson. When it comes to love, treat yo-self. Love says “Take my hand, we’ll make it I swear”. Love is like a prayer. It’s the great American hero, Kevin Bacon, teaching a small town that it’s our time, it’s our time to dance. Love is 1.21 gigawatts. It makes us drive 88 miles per hour, speeding towards our Density. It’s dogs and cats living together…mass hysteria. It’s more powerful than a T-Rex, and almost majestic. Love is our happy thought. Love is magic. Love is asking “After all this time?” and knowing the answer will be “Always”.

  • Based on Dante Alighieri

    Remember tonight, for it is the beginning of always.
    A promise, like a reward for persisting through life so long alone.
    A belief in each other and the possibility of love.
    A decision to ignore, simply rise above the pain in the past.
    An agreement, which binds two souls and severs prior ties.
    The celebration of the chance taken and the tests that lie ahead.
    For two will always be stronger than one.
    Like a team braced against the challenges of the world.
    And love will always be the guiding force in our lives.
    For tonight is a mere formality.
    Only an announcement to the world
    of feelings long held and promises made long ago,
    in the sacred space in our hearts.

  • Charles Darwin on the Prospect of Marriage

    The following notes record Charles Darwin’s speculations about the prospect of marriage. The comments are excerpted directly from his notebook where he composed a short-hand list of pros and cons on whether to propose.

    This is the Question

    Not Marry?
    Freedom to go where one likes
    Conversation of clever men at clubs
    Not forced to visit relatives and to bend in every trifle
    To have the expense and anxiety of children
    Perhaps quarreling
    Loss of time
    Cannot read in the Evenings
    Fatness and idleness
    Anxiety and responsibility
    Less money for books

    Children (if it pleases God)
    Constant companion (& friend in old age)
    who will feel interested in one
    Object to be beloved and played with
    Better than a dog anyhow
    Charms of Music and Chit Chat
    These things are good for one’s health
    My God, it is unthinkable to think of spending one’s whole life,
    working, working, and nothing after all
    No, no won’t do
    Imagine living all one’s days solitarily
    Only picture to yourself a nice soft wife on a sofa
    with good fire, and books and music
    Compare this vision with dingy reality
    Marry! Marry! Marry!

  • From the Writings of Bob Marley

    “Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.”

  • From: “The Princess Bride”

    By William Goldman

    “Do I love you? My God, if your love were a grain of sand, mine would be a universe of beaches…
    I have stayed these years in my hovel because of you.
    I have taught myself languages because of you.
    I have made my body strong because
    I thought you might be pleased by a strong body.
    I have lived my life with only the prayer
    that some sudden dawn you might glance in my direction.
    I have not known a moment in years when the sight of you did not send my heart careening against my rib cage.
    I have not known a night when your visage did not accompany me to sleep.
    There has not been a morning
    when you did not flutter behind my waking eyelids…

    I love you. Okay? Want it louder? I love you.
    Spell it out, should I? I ell-oh-vee-ee why-oh-you.
    Want it backward? You love I…

    I’ve been saying it so long to you, you just wouldn’t listen.
    Every time you said, ‘Farm Boy, do this,’

    you thought I was answering, ‘As you wish‘,
    but that’s only because you were hearing wrong.
    ‘I love you’ was what it was, but you never heard.”

  • From a Letter by the Late George Carlin

    “The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways, but narrower viewpoints.

    We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less.
    We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time.

    We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts,
    Yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

    We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late,
    get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

    We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
    We’ve learned how to make a living, but not a life. We’ve added years to life not life to years.

    We’ve been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor.
    We conquered outer space but not inner space. We’ve done larger things, but not better things.

    We’ve cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We’ve conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We’ve learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

    Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.

    Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

    Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn’t cost a cent.

    Remember, to say, “I love you” to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

    Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

    Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.


    Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.”

  • Excerpts From Traditional Irish Toasts

    “May you live as long as you want
    and never want as long as you live.
    And may you be in heaven a full half hour
    before the devil knows your dead.

    May your heart be light and happy,
    May your smile be big and wide,
    And may your pockets always have
    a coin or two inside!

    Always remember to forget
    The troubles that passed away.
    But never forget to remember
    The blessings that come each day.

    May you always have a clean shirt, a clear conscience,
    and enough coins in your pocket to buy a pint!

    May the face of every good news
    and the back of every bad news be towards us.

    May neighbours respect you,
    Trouble neglect you,
    The angels protect you,
    And heaven accept you.

    May you have the hindsight to know where you’ve been,
    The foresight to know where you are going,
    And the insight to know when you have gone too far.

    May the saddest day of your future
    be no worse than the happiest day of your past.

    May those that love us, love us.
    And those that don’t love us,
    May God turn their hearts.
    And if he doesn’t turn their hearts,
    May he turn their ankles,
    So we’ll know them by their limping.

    May misfortune follow you the rest of your life,
    and never catch up.

    May your mornings bring joy
    and your evenings bring peace…
    May your troubles grow less
    as your blessings increase!

    May you get all your wishes but one, so that you will always have something to strive for!”

  • Dr. Who

    “Do you wanna come with me? ‘Cause if you do, then I should warn you — you’re gonna see all sorts of things. Ghosts from the past. Aliens from the future. The day the Earth died in a ball of flame. It won’t be quiet, it won’t be safe, and it won’t be calm. But I’ll tell you what it will be: the trip of a lifetime!” – The Ninth Doctor

  • From “Stardust”, by Neil Gaiman

    “You know when I said I knew little about love? That wasn’t true. I know a lot about love. I’ve seen it, centuries and centuries of it, and it was the only thing that made watching your world bearable. All those wars — pain, lies, hate… It made me want to turn away and never look down again. But when I see the way that mankind loves… you could search to the furthest reaches of the universe and never find anything more beautiful. So yes, I know that love is unconditional. But I also know that it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable, and strangely easy to mistake for loathing, and… what I’m trying to say, Tristran is… I think I love you. Is this love, Tristran? I never imagined I’d know it for myself. My heart… it feels like my chest can barely contain it. Like it’s trying to escape because it doesn’t belong to me any more. It belongs to you. And if you wanted it, I’d wish for nothing in exchange: no gifts, no goods, no demonstrations of devotion. Nothing but knowing you loved me too. Just your heart, in exchange for mine.” – Yvaine to Tristran

  • From The X-Files

    “It seems to me that the best relationships, the ones that last, are frequently the ones that are rooted in friendship. You know, one day you look at the person and you see something more than you did the night before. Like a switch has been flicked somewhere. And the person who was just a friend is… suddenly the only person you can ever imagine yourself with.” – Dana Scully

  • Insights From Marksmanship

    by Rev Aviva Sala

    “Heather and Steve, while there aren’t many Civil War references that make for good advice as you begin your marriage, there are some principles of competitive shooting that *can* apply as sage words of wisdom.

    We know that Marksmanship is mental even more than it is physical, and there are some strategies that we hope you remember over your years, drawn from the sport that brought the two of you together… As the target is on the paper in front of you, your partner should be your focus, where your attention lies. Your marriage should match the natural alignment as a rifle in your arms, without too much push or pull in either direction, a perfect balance. Take a moment to breathe and center yourself, for when worked up, your aim will not be on point and your outcome becomes unpredictable.

    The care you put into your marriage in order for it to be healthy and lasting love must be constant, controlled and deliberate, much like your trigger control. Success happens with intent, not by accident. And finally, follow-through… the one principle that can alter the outcomes faster than all the others. A lack of follow through can take a winning shot and turn it into a flyer. Make sure to follow through in your marriage, doing what you promise; be consistent and reliable. Allow these principles that taught you to be skilled marksmen continue to teach you to be skilled partners and supporters of each other.

    And above all, please don’t shoot each other.”

  • Neil Gaiman’s Poem for a Friends Marriage

    “This is everything I have to tell you about love: nothing.
    This is everything I’ve learned about marriage: nothing.
    Only that the world out there is complicated,
    and there are beasts in the night, and delight and pain,
    and the only thing that makes it okay, sometimes,
    is to reach out a hand in the darkness and find another hand to squeeze,
    and not to be alone.
    It’s not the kisses, or never just the kisses: it’s what they mean.
    Somebody’s got your back.
    Somebody knows your worst self and somehow doesn’t want to rescue you
    or send for the army to rescue them.
    It’s not two broken halves becoming one.
    It’s the light from a distant lighthouse bringing you both safely home
    because home is wherever you are both together.
    So this is everything I have to tell you about love and marriage: nothing,
    like a book without pages or a forest without trees.
    Because there are things you cannot know before you experience them.
    Because no study can prepare you for the joys or the trials.
    Because nobody else’s love, nobody else’s marriage, is like yours,
    and it’s a road you can only learn by walking it,
    a dance you cannot be taught,
    a song that did not exist before you began, together, to sing.
    And because in the darkness you will reach out a hand,
    not knowing for certain if someone else is even there.
    And your hands will meet, 
    and then neither of you will ever need to be alone again.
    And that’s all I know about love.”
  • A Marriage Made For Two

    Author Unknown

    “A successful marriage can learn a lot from bicycle riding. You should promise each other that you will not be fair weather riders, but venture out together in the wind and the rain. Only by braving the storms as a team will you reap the rewards when the sunshine arrives.

    Look after each other. A well oiled bike will run smoothly and change gear easily. Marriage is like a tandem…keep pedalling or the one at the front shouts at you! You should promise each other to not only enjoy new adventures and explorations, but appreciate the same old routes you know and love.

    Marriage is a promise to each other to endure the climbs so that you may chase the swoops and swerves of perfect single track. The journey may be long and may have hills ahead, but if you climb together with love and passion, you will be able to achieve everything you both desire! Wishing you all the best from the start line of the greatest endurance event of your lives. Good luck and may each lap be a great adventure.”

  • Falling in Love is Like Owning a Dog

    by Taylor Mali

    “First of all, it’s a big responsibility,
    So think long and hard before deciding on love.
    On the other hand, love gives you a sense of security:
    when you’re walking down the street late at night
    and you have a leash on love
    ain’t no one going to mess with you.
    Because crooks and muggers think love is unpredictable.
    Who knows what love could do in its own defense?
    On cold winter nights, love is warm.
    It lies between you and lives and breaths
    and makes funny noises.
    Love wakes you up all hours of the night with its needs.
    It needs to be fed so it will grow and stay healthy.
    Love doesn’t like being left alone for long.
    But come home and love is always happy to see you.
    It may break a few things accidentally in its passion for life,
    but you can never be mad at love for long.
    Is love good all the time? No! No!
    Love can be bad. Bad, love, bad! Very bad love.
    Love makes messes.
    Love leaves you little surprises here and there.
    Love needs lots of cleaning up after.
    Sometimes you just want to get love fixed.
    Sometimes you want to roll up a piece of newspaper
    and swat love on the nose,
    not so much to cause pain,
    just to let love know ‘Don’t you ever do that again!’
    Sometimes love just wants to go for a nice long walk.
    Because love loves exercise.
    It runs you around the block and leaves you panting.
    It pulls you in several different directions at once,
    or winds around and around you
    until you’re all wound up and can’t move.
    But love makes you meet people wherever you go.
    People who have nothing in common but love
    stop and talk to each other on the street.
    Throw things away and love will bring them back,
    again, and again, and again.
    But most of all, love needs love, lots of it.
    And in return, love loves you and never stops.”

  • Us Two

    by A A Milne

    Wherever I am, there’s always Pooh,
    There’s always Pooh and Me.
    Whatever I do, he wants to do,
    “Where are you going today?” says Pooh:
    “Well, that’s very odd ‘cos I was too.
    Let’s go together,” says Pooh, says he.
    “Let’s go together,” says Pooh.

    “What’s twice eleven?” I said to Pooh.
    (“Twice what?” said Pooh to Me.)
    “I think it ought to be twenty-two.”
    “Just what I think myself,” said Pooh.
    “It wasn’t an easy sum to do,
    But that’s what it is,” said Pooh, said he.
    “That’s what it is,” said Pooh.

    “Let’s look for dragons,” I said to Pooh.
    “Yes, let’s,” said Pooh to Me.
    We crossed the river and found a few-
    “Yes, those are dragons all right,” said Pooh.
    “As soon as I saw their beaks I knew.
    That’s what they are,” said Pooh, said he.
    “That’s what they are,” said Pooh.

    “Let’s frighten the dragons,” I said to Pooh.
    “That’s right,” said Pooh to Me.
    “I’m not afraid,” I said to Pooh,
    And I held his paw and I shouted “Shoo!
    Silly old dragons!”- and off they flew.

    “I wasn’t afraid,” said Pooh, said he,
    “I’m never afraid with you.”

    So wherever I am, there’s always Pooh,
    There’s always Pooh and Me.
    “What would I do?” I said to Pooh,
    “If it wasn’t for you,” and Pooh said: “True,
    It isn’t much fun for One, but Two,
    Can stick together, says Pooh, says he.

    “That’s how it is,” says Pooh.

  • Sagan & Galileo

    Carl Sagan wrote, “Who are we? We find that we live on an insignificant planet of a humdrum star lost in a galaxy tucked away in some forgotten corner of a universe in which there are far more galaxies than people.”

    Yet on this little dust mote floating in the eternity of space and time, there exists the curious phenomenon of human awareness that makes it all so terribly personal.

    Or, as Galileo put it into perspective: “The Sun, with all the planets revolving around it, and depending on it, can still ripen a bunch of grapes as though it had nothing else in the Universe to do.”

    So it is the way of Love, to the ordinary spectacular.

  • Favorite Disney Quotes (With Movie Titles)

    “So this is love, so this is what makes life divine.” – Cinderella
    “All at once everything is different.” – Tangled
    “Love is an open door.” – Frozen
    “Love is a song that never ends.” – Bambi
    “You mean more to me than anyone in this whole wide world.” – Peter Pan
    “You’re the best thing I never knew I needed.” – Princess and the Frog
    “When I look at you, I can feel it. I look at you, and I’m home.” – Finding Nemo
    “We’re simply meant to be.” – Nightmare Before Christmas
    “You’ll be in my heart. From this day on, now and forever more.” – Tarzan
    “I don’t know when, I don’t know how, but I know something’s starting right now.” – The Little Mermaid
    “All you need is faith and trust, and a little bit of pixie dust.”  – Peter Pan
    “It don’t take a word, not a single word…”.

    Well maybe just these words… I now pronounce you Husband and wife! So..

    “Go on and kiss the girl.” – Little Mermaid

    couple kisses

    How do fairy tales end? Come on and say it with me!
    “And They Lived Happily Ever After!”

  • Marriage is Like My Old Car

    by Marie April Gismondi

    “The way I see it, marriage is like my old car.
    When I bought it new from the dealership,
    everyone around me was saying; “Wow that’s a nice car!”
    It was all bright and shiny and worthy of admiration.
    And then as the years went by…
    there were places where the paint was starting to peel off.
    It got a little dent and a scratch or two here and there…
    and once it was over a decade old…
    People started saying; “Why are you still driving that old thing?”
    But my car ran like a top and would never leave me high and dry.
    Every time something sounded a little off, or needed attention,
    I got to work on it and fixed whatever needed fixing immediately,
    knowing that you get what you give.
    And then, when she became “a classic”,
    it was off to the body shop she went for a new paint job.
    People once again began saying; “Wow, that’s a really nice car!”
    But what they didn’t know was that all the things that really matter,
    were always things that nobody could see from the outside.
    A marriage is like my old car.
    It’s the maintenance you do between the high of the wedding day,
    and gaining the admiration your grandchildren
    by being the couple who still laughs and shares secrets,
    and still holds hands after all these years.
    So don’t worry so much about what people think or say.
    Just do your oil changes, keep up with your maintenance,
    get out and have fun,
    don’t be afraid to blow the dust off now and then,
    and fix whatever breaks as soon as it happens.
    This is my advice for a marriage
    that will motor successfully on down the highway of life.”

  • This is Love Monkey

    by Edward Monkton

    “It was once custom that every monkey would carve for himself a wooden heart. And the heart that love monkey carved was the most beautiful of all. Its contours were soft and rounded, like an ancient pebble sculpted by the oceans. Its surface was smooth and shiny like liquid silk, and it shone as bright as a ruby in the desert sun. “Take your hearts with you wherever you go,” said their teacher. “Nurture them as a mother nurtures her new-born baby. For when you want to give of yourself fully, your heart is the only true gift you will have.”

    That night, Love Monkey had a dream. He dreamt of a monkey whose smile lit up his soul like sunshine. He held out his heart to her, so radiant, so splendid and so new. She took him in her arms and he felt truly, perfectly, at peace. When Love Monkey awoke he resolved that, from that day forward, he would search for his Dream Monkey until he could stand before her and give to her his perfect heart.

    He traveled through deserts, and climbed over mountains. He trekked across forests, and sailed many oceans. Love Monkey looked after his heart as best he could, but the storms that he endured on his travels chipped away at its surface and each new adventure reshaped it. By the time he arrived on the last distant shore, his heart was so changed by the patina of time that it barely resembled his old heart at all.

    And then, he saw her. Standing before him, as radiant and as beautiful as the sunshine, was his Dream Monkey. At first he could not speak. But then, from somewhere deep inside himself, he found a voice. “I have traveled the world to find you, and to give you my heart,” he said. “But now that I am finally with you, I see how foolish I have been. You are so beautiful, so perfect. And my heart that was once smooth, so bright and so new is now not something that I could even bring myself to show you,” and he turned to go. “Let me see it,” said Dream Monkey. She took his heart and held it up to the light. “Nothing to me is more beautiful. Every fissure tells a story. Every blemish makes you more real. All my life I have been waiting for a heart like this; a heart that speaks the truth.” “Come here,” she said. “I have something for you too.” In her hand was a tiny golden heart. It was as worn and as scratched as Love Monkey’s own…and it was the most precious thing that he had ever seen.

    Love Monkey put his arms around her and they held each other for a long, long time. “I shall treasure this heart for as long as I live,” said Dream Monkey, running her fingers over its ridged and dimpled surface. Then they looked into each other’s eyes and, feeling the joy of truth in their souls for the first time, they began to laugh. And often they sit together still, holding each other’s hearts in their warm hands, lifting them to the light…and laughing. Always laughing.”

  • Gravitation by Albert Einstein

    “Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love. How on earth can you explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love? Put your hand on a stove for a minute and it seems like an hour. Sit with that special girl for an hour and it seems like a minute. That’s relativity.”

  • Firefly, Serenity – by Joss Whedon

    “You know what the first rule of flying is? …


    You can learn all the math in the ‘verse, but you take a boat in the air you don’t love, she’ll shake you off just as sure as the turning of the worlds. Love keeps her in the air when she oughta fall down, tells you she’s hurting ‘fore she keens. Makes her a home.” – Malcolm Reynolds

  • The Damsel and the Knight

    “Once there was a damsel in distress.
    She had become a bit of a dragon and it was consuming her.
    A knight in shining armour confronted the damsel,
    And seeing her reflection in his shiny breastplate,
    she realised what a dragon she had become, and she didn’t like it.
    In earnest she set about getting the dragon where it belonged and making sense of it.
    “You have saved me”, she cried, “Take off your armour that I may kiss you in gratitude”.
    “The removal of armour requires assistance”, responded the knight.
    So, together they removed the heavy armour and the damsel embraced him warmly.
    The knight had never been so warmly touched.
    He felt immense relief He felt lighter; less weary; more free.
    “That’s how I feel too!” cried the damsel joyfully,
    and after some healthy, passionate kisses they had some healthy, passionate children.
    They kept the dragon and the armour, which were useful from time to time;
    and generally speaking, in their own funny way, they lived quite happily ever after.”

  • A Lovely Love Story

    by Edward Monkton

    “The fierce Dinosaur was trapped inside his cage of ice. Although it was cold he was happy in there.
    It was, after all, his cage.

    Then along came the Lovely Other Dinosaur.

    The Lovely Other Dinosaur melted the Dinosaur’s cage with kind words and loving thoughts.

    I like this Dinosaur thought the Lovely Other Dinosaur. Although he is fierce he is also tender and he is funny.
    He is also quite clever though I will not tell him this for now.

    I like this Lovely Other Dinosaur, thought the Dinosaur.
    She is beautiful and she is different and she smells so nice.
    She is also a free spirit which is a quality
    I much admire in a dinosaur.

    But he can be so distant and so peculiar at times,
    thought the Lovely Other Dinosaur.
    He is also overly fond of things.
    Are all Dinosaurs so overly fond of things?

    But her mind skips from here to there so quickly thought the Dinosaur. She is also uncommonly keen on shopping. Are all Lovely Other Dinosaurs so uncommonly keen on shopping?

    I will forgive his peculiarity and his concern for things, thought the Lovely Other Dinosaur. For they are part of what makes him a richly charactered individual.

    I will forgive her skipping mind and her fondness for shopping, thought the Dinosaur. For she fills our life with beautiful thoughts and wonderful surprises. Besides, I am not unkeen on shopping either.

    Now the Dinosaur and the Lovely Other Dinosaur are old.
    Look at them. Together they stand on the hill telling each other stories and feeling the warmth of the sun on their backs.

    And that, my friends, is how it is with love.
    Let us all be Dinosaurs and Lovely Other Dinosaurs together. For the sun is warm. And the world is a beautiful place.”

  • From Alice in Wonderland

    by Lewis Carol, adapted by Marie April Gismondi

    “Over 150 years ago Lewis Carol wrote the words that have inspired generations to think in different ways and take a different path to the goal that all humanity shares… that of being our truest and happiest selves. Today’s reading reflects this whimsical wisdom.”

    “Who are YOU?” said the Caterpillar.
    This was not an encouraging opening for a conversation.
    Alice replied, rather shyly, “I-I hardly know, sir, just at present, at least I know who I WAS when I got up this morning,
    but I think I must have been changed several times since then.”

    Marriage will indeed make you a different person.
    A good marriage will make you the best possible version
    of yourself that you can be.

    “But I don’t want to go among mad people,” Alice remarked.
    “Oh, you can’t help that,” said the Cat: “we’re all mad here.
    I’m mad. You’re mad.”
    “How do you know I’m mad?” said Alice.
    “You must be,” said the Cat, “or you wouldn’t have come here.”

    And today we are all indeed, Mad for LOVE… this beautiful expression of Love… and commitment to many wondrous tomorrows that we are here to participate in and celebrate!

    Mad Hatter: “Have I gone mad?”
    Alice: “I’m afraid so. You’re entirely bonkers.
    But I’ll tell you a secret. All the best people are.”

    For so many marriage starts off with plans to create an amazing future and the question of “Can we really do this?”

    The Queen of Hearts: “Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.”
    And Alice had begun to think
    that very few things indeed were really impossible.
    For as The Dodo said: “The best way to explain it is to do it.”

    But how does that happen?

    By taking the advice offered by The Unicorn: “If you’ll believe in me, I’ll believe in you. Is that a bargain?”

    We… this crazy cast of characters you have invited here today… all love and support you. We believe in you as I know you believe in each other.

    For as The Duchess said: “The moral of that is—
    ’Oh, ‘tis love, ‘tis love, that makes the world go round!’”

  • Reflections From Neil deGrasse Tyson

    “Recognize that the very molecules that make up your body, the atoms that construct the molecules, are traceable to the crucibles that were once the centers of high mass stars that exploded their chemically rich guts into the galaxy, enriching pristine gas clouds with the chemistry of life. So that we are all connected to each other biologically, to the earth chemically and to the rest of the universe atomically. That’s kinda cool! That makes me smile and I actually feel quite large at the end of that. It’s not that we are better than the universe, we are part of the universe. We are in the universe and the universe is in us.”

    “The problem, often not discovered until late in life, is that when you look for things in life like love, meaning, motivation, it implies they are sitting behind a tree or under a rock. The most successful people in life recognize, that in life they create their own love, they manufacture their own meaning, they generate their own motivation. For me, I am driven by two main philosophies, know more today about the world than I knew yesterday. And lessen the suffering of others. You’d be surprised how far that gets you.”

  • Marriage is Like Hockey

    by Rev. Marie April Gismondi

    “Marriage is like hockey.
    The two really do have a lot in common.
    The game of life can be seen as two people
    Facing Off into the world with your All Star Team
    behind you.

    Both take Teamwork,
    Letting others Assist, to score Goal after Goal.
    But marriage is always having a Two Man Advantage.
    Both involve Skating around obstacles,
    Avoiding people and situations that could hinder
    your progress.

    While in marriage Checking is allowed,
    There will be Penalties for Misconduct,
    Which could include being sent to the Penalty Box.
    And while you know there will be fights…
    There is no doubt you will always continue the game
    and unlike Hockey…
    In marriage you make sure that nobody loses a tooth.

    So if you want to hop onto that Zamboni
    And ride off into the sunset…
    Remember the Stanley Cup is already yours
    If you always remember that two promises
    Making one last name,
    is the Hat Trick of your lives.”

  • Albus Dumbledore Once Said

    A few words of wisdom from Albus Dumbledore about love …

    “Of course it is happening inside your head… but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?”

    When in fact: “You are protected, in short, by your ability to love!”

    The: “Differences of habit and language are nothing at all, if our aims are identical, and our hearts are open.”

    Because: “Where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.”

    And so: “It matters not what someone is born, but what they grow to be.”

    Remembering that: “We are only as strong as we are united, as weak as we are divided.”

    Therefore: “Let us step into the night and pursue that flighty temptress, adventure.”

    Into our greatest adventure! Never forgetting that fantasy and reality can become one in the same…. if we accept that there is no greater magic and all of the world than that of Love.”

  • William Shakespeare – Sonnet 116 in Klingon

    wej teH yab tihogh impediments chID
    villeghjaj. muSHa ghach ‘oHbe
    muSHa ghach ej QuQ ‘oH HeghDI choH
    OH alteration vltu, wanHa’ ghaH teq
    remover pagh qar! reH tl’ pablu’DI legh
    HuStaHbogh ‘ej not shaken. Hov Hoch
    wander bark, worth Sovbe’lu’bogh
    Qoylu’, naH jajmeymaj tlhap ab qoH,
    pagn rosy wusS wej poH musHa’ghach
    ‘ej Ha’ qevpob ’emvo wanHa’ sickles
    compass. choH lo’taHvIS qaS rep Hogh
    ei, ach oH SIQ vabDot HeH doom
    muSHa’ghach. ghu vam Qagh ej
    HuvHa tob, jIH not reH bang ngoQna’
    yaghna pagh.
  • A Little Rumi with some Game of Thrones to Boot

    Finally I offer this selection of old and new, used in Bunny & Greg’s wedding ceremony

    It begins and ends with the 13th century Persian Poet Rumi and has 2 helpings from George RR Martin’s Game of Thrones in the middle.

    “The minute I heard my first love story, I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was. Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere. They’re in each other all along.”
    “As you are the Moon of his life, he shall be your Sun and Stars. Your love shall be as ever present as those 2 celestial bodies.. even though they are sometimes hidden from one another’s sight. Your love will be the guiding force that charts the course of your tomorrows, holds your world together in difficult times and will make life itself shine bolder and brighter than we human beings have a right to dream of.”
    “I am yours and you are mine. Until the sun rises in the west and sets in the east. Until the seas go dry and mountains blow in the wind like leaves. Close your eyes. Fall in love. Stay there.”
  • Adaptation of a Passage from George R.R. Martin

    “The best love stories are written in the language of dreams. It is alive as dreams are alive, more real than real … for a moment at least … that long magic moment before we wake.

    Love is silver and scarlet, indigo and azure, obsidian veined with gold and lapis lazuli. Reality is plywood and plastic, done up in mud brown and olive drab. Love tastes of habaneros and honey, cinnamon and cloves, rare red meat and wines as sweet as summer. Reality is beans and tofu, and ashes at the end. Reality is the strip malls of Burbank, the smokestacks of Cleveland, a parking garage in Newark. Love is the towers of Minas Tirith, the ancient stones of Gormenghast, the halls of Camelot. Love flies on the wings of Icarus, reality on Southwest Airlines. Why do our dreams become so much smaller when they finally come true? Perhaps it is because we forget that they are made of love.

    We read love stories to find the colors again, I think. To taste strong spices and hear the songs the sirens sang. There is something old and true in fantasy that speaks to something deep within us, to the child who dreamt that one day he would hunt the forests of the night, and feast beneath the hollow hills, and find a love to last forever somewhere south of Oz and north of Shangri-La.

    Let your marriage have this richness. And may yours be among the greatest Love stories ever lived.”

    The words of George R.R. Martin adapted by Pastor Marie April Gismondi

  • I Wanna Grow Old With You

    by Adam Sandler

    “I wanna make you smile,
    Whenever you’re sad.
    Carry you around when your arthritis is bad.
    All I wanna do,
    Is grow old with you.
    I’ll get you medicine,
    When your tummy aches.
    Build you a fire if the furnace breaks.
    Oh it could be so nice,
    Growin’ old with you.
    I’ll miss you, kiss you,
    Give you my coat when you are cold.
    Need you, feed you.
    Even let you hold the remote control.
    So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink.
    Put you to bed when you’ve had too much to drink.
    Oh I could be the man,
    Who grows old with you.
    I wanna grow old with you”.

  • Falling in Love is Like Owning a Dog

    by Taylor Mali

    “First of all, it’s a big responsibility,
    So think long and hard before deciding on love.
    On the other hand, love gives you a sense of security:
    when you’re walking down the street late at night
    and you have a leash on love
    ain’t no one going to mess with you.
    Because crooks and muggers think love is unpredictable.
    Who knows what love could do in its own defense?
    On cold winter nights, love is warm.
    It lies between you and lives and breaths
    and makes funny noises.
    Love wakes you up all hours of the night with its needs.
    It needs to be fed so it will grow and stay healthy.
    Love doesn’t like being left alone for long.
    But come home and love is always happy to see you.
    It may break a few things accidentally in its passion for life,
    but you can never be mad at love for long.
    Is love good all the time? No! No!
    Love can be bad. Bad, love, bad! Very bad love.
    Love makes messes.
    Love leaves you little surprises here and there.
    Love needs lots of cleaning up after.
    Sometimes you just want to get love fixed.
    Sometimes you want to roll up a piece of newspaper
    and swat love on the nose,
    not so much to cause pain,
    just to let love know ‘Don’t you ever do that again!’
    Sometimes love just wants to go for a nice long walk.
    Because love loves exercise.
    It runs you around the block and leaves you panting.
    It pulls you in several different directions at once,
    or winds around and around you
    until you’re all wound up and can’t move.
    But love makes you meet people wherever you go.
    People who have nothing in common but love
    stop and talk to each other on the street.
    Throw things away and love will bring them back,
    again, and again, and again.
    But most of all, love needs love, lots of it.
    And in return, love loves you and never stops.”

  • “Oh the Places You’ll Go”

    by Dr Seuss

    “Congratulations! Today is your day.
    You’re off to Great Places! You’re off and away!
    You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes.
    You can steer yourself any direction you choose.
    You’re on your own. And you know what you know.
    And YOU are the couple who’ll decide where to go.
    You’ll look up and down streets. Look ’em over with care.
    About some you will say, “We don’t choose to go there.”
    With your heads full of brains and your shoes full of feet,
    You’re too smart to go down, any not-so-good street.
    And you may not find any you’ll want to go down.
    In that case, of course, you’ll head straight out of town.
    It’s opener there in the wide open air,
    Out there things can happen and frequently do
    to people as brainy and footsy as you.
    And when things start to happen, don’t worry. Don’t stew.
    Just go right along. You’ll start happening too.


    You’ll be on your way up! You’ll be seeing great sights!
    You’ll join the high fliers who soar to great heights!
    You won’t lag behind, because you’ll have all the speed.
    You’ll pass the whole gang, and you’ll soon take the lead.
    Wherever you fly you’ll be best of the best.
    Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.
    Except when you don’t. Because sometimes, you won’t.
    You’ll get mixed up of course, as you already know.
    You’ll get mixed up with so many strange birds as you go.
    So be sure when you step.
    Step with great care and great tact
    and remember that Life’s a Great Balancing Act.
    Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.
    And never mix up your right foot with your left.
    And will you succeed?
    Yes! You will indeed!
    (98 and ¾ percent guaranteed.)


    So, be your name Buxbaum or Dowrie or Bass
    or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O’Shea,
    you’re off to great places!
    Today is your day!
    Your mountain is waiting.
    So get on your way!”

  • Stardust

    by Lang Leav 

    If you came to me with a face I have not seen, with a voice I have never heard, I would still know you. Even if centuries separated us, I would still feel you. Somewhere between the sand and the stardust, through every collapse and creation, there is a pulse that echoes of you and I.

    When we leave this world, we give up all our possessions and our memories. Love is the only thing we take with us. It is all we carry from one life to the next.

  • Marriage is Like Golf

    When times get hard, just remember that marriage is like golf. It’s expensive. It can be thrilling and glorious… It can be difficult and frustrating, all in the same afternoon.

    But if you practice, don’t get upset over the little things, avoid the hazards, and be responsible with your balls…

    It will be the best eighteen holes of your life!

  • What I learned about love, I learned from my dog….

    What I learned about love, I learned from my dog….
    Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joy ride together.
    Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.
    When loved ones come home always run to greet them.
    When you want treats, practice obedience.
    Let others know when they’ve invaded your territory.
    Take naps together and stretch before rising.
    Run, romp and play daily.
    Be loyal.
    If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
    When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.
    Thrive on the attention and let people touch you.
    Avoid biting, when a simple growl will do.
    When you’re happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
    No matter how often you’re scolded, don’t buy into the guilt thing and pout- Run right back and make friends.
    Delight in the simple joy of a long walk together.
    Love each other unconditionally.

  • The Giraffe and the Monkey

    by Daniel Thompson

    Wherever we go
    Whatever we do
    Whenever there’s me
    I hope that there’s you.

    Now Money is Funny, it can make people odd.
    You forget to be happy, and you live for your job
    And fashion, is a passion, beset with a flaw
    You can dress to excess, but you’ll always need more

    And a muscle toned body, may sound like a dream
    But no body is better, than chocolate ice cream
    What I’m trying to say, is that happiness grows
    Not through your wages, or body or clothes

    But in laughter and love, and in sharing your life.
    In the arms of another as husband and wife.
    So when you find someone who’s weird just like you
    Who laughs when you’re stupid and who makes you laugh too.

    When you sit on the sofa, not hiding your flaws.
    As imperfectly perfect, as the hand that holds yours.
    When the fortune of kings, or purse of a beggar.
    Won’t change how it feels, just being together.

    When a cuddle and cuppa is all that you need….

    Well then…
    you’ve found something quite special indeed.

    Wherever we go
    Whatever we do
    Whenever there’s me
    I hope that there’s you.